Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
