She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize