just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
