We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
