this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
