so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
