I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
