someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize