I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
