We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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