Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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