dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
