Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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