is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize