tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
