I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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