what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
