I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize