evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
