I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
