a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
