Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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