i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
