why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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