he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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