he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
