toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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