Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
