the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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