i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
