overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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