its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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