You really coming over, don't trick.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
