I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
