Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
