the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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