Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
