i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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