I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
