Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
