just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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