I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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