I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
