I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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