i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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