Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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