oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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