i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
