end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
