im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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