Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
