and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
