She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
This toilet bowl is my home.
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