All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
