happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
