I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
never play flip cup with pint glasses
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
