end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
