Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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