what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you traded sex for a burrito?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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