Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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