yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
