My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
