My sheets look like a crime scene.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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