I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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