When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize