we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
