the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
