I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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