I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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