Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
