I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
