you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
