Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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