just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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