I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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