You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Pooping to opera.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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