i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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