I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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