I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
