I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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