That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
