in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
