can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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