he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
