I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
