i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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