Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
