my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i think im in europe. pls send help
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
