The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
